Business | Opinion
Making money ain't so good
At a recent dinner party, I was asked what I did and I said I was an investment banker.
- By Lucy Kellaway, Financial Times
- Published: 23:33 October 25, 2008
The problem: At a recent dinner party, I was asked what I did and I said I was an investment banker. I might as well have said I was a paedophile. Suddenly the whole table - all friends of my wife from the art world - turned on me. I tried to defend myself by saying that I had nothing to be ashamed of in the work that I do in M&A (mergers and acquisitions), but the more I argued the more hostile the others became. Next time this happens should I accept guilt for what is not my fault, or should I lie and say I am a librarian?
- Investment banker, male, 42
Lucy's answer: I cannot work out if your question is a genuine inquiry about dinner party etiquette or a howl of pain at the unfairness of life.
If it is the first, the answer is simple. There is absolutely no point in trying to convince arty people that you are anything other than the devil; any attempt will make things worse. The complaint against investment bankers is that you have dragged the world into recession through your greed, stupidity and arrogance, and any attempt to say otherwise will enrage them still more.
To avoid further ugly scenes, next time say you work for the government. Which, depending on your bank, may be partly true. If there is a follow-up question (although there probably won't be) say you work on the financial side. That will shut them up.
The good news is that if you go to dinner parties as infrequently as I do, things may be less intense next time. People do not obsess over the same things indefinitely, or else going out would be so dull no one would bother.
Next time the topic will probably have shifted to Madonna's divorce, and you will be returned to the status you probably always had: smug, boring, philistine, too rich for your own good and an eccentric choice of husband for your nice, arty wife.
The bigger question is, who is right: you or the outraged artists? The answer is neither. You weren't personally responsible for what has happened, yet neither are you in a good position to claim the high moral ground. M&A is not the most honourable of callings: mostly it just added to leverage and job losses, so to show a bit of humility might have been seemly.
One other thing I would love to have known: what did your arty wife say to you in the car on the way home?
Others say
You think it's bad to be an investment banker. I'm a hedge fund manager and I fear I'm going to be lynched on my way in to work in Mayfair. Luckily for me, my hair is quite long, and if anyone asks at a dinner party I say I'm a writer trying to get his first novel published.
- Hedge fund manager, male
When I tell people I'm a psychiatrist they usually say something stupid like "Can you read my mind?". So I generally tell them that I am an investment banker. Most normal people think that to be so boring they move on to more interesting matters.
- Psychiatrist, male, 48
We're all to blame and we all got rich. I think your wife's friends sound like typical liberal know-nothings (and very bad-mannered - don't dine with them again). Let them crow on, then go home to their grotty dwellings. I do hope your wife joined in the argument (on your side). If not, get rid.
- Banker, female, 43
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