Ramsheena (only one name used to protect identity) asks: I am a 24-year-old woman. I got married in 2008 and have a two-year-old child. My husband is very kind, caring and loving man. I always feels Allah gave him extra patience. He is sharing everything with me and spending all the time after work with me and the child.
I am working and there isn't much work pressure and I am satisfied with my family life and work. But my biggest problem is my anger.
I get angry for silly matters, but I can't ignore them and sometimes I don't understand why I am getting so angry. For instance, when I talk to my husband about a small event that happened at office and if he doesn't listen properly because he is playing with the child, I get angry.
He would come to me later and enquire about the event, but I would ignore him and at times burst out like an atom bomb, for at that moment in time it seems that "he ignored me".
Then, my words and actions are not under my control. My husband tries to console me, but mostly my anger is out of my control and even I ask for divorce. Am I going mad? I can't live without my husband. He is very understanding and points out where I am going wrong, but I can't control my anger.
I was not like this. I was a bright student and teachers loved me. My mother used to tell me that I am the calmest daughter among the three of us.
This uncontrollable anger problem started two years back. Initially, it wasn't this bad, but now it is beyond control.
Sometimes, I feel ashamed of my character. I have even asked my husband to take me to a psychiatrist, but he says there is no need for that and God will help us. Sir, please advice, what is the remedy.
Dr Raad Alkhaiat (MBChB, MRCPsych.), Consultant Psychiatrist replies: The main problem is your uncontrolled anger, which is directed towards your husband although he is, as you described, a caring husband.
This behavior started about two years back. So, it's not that long back and you didn’t mention any event or change in your life that needed a proper adjustment from you except marriage itself and then a small kid.
Also you didn’t mention that you have similar behavior with other people apart from your husband. So it looks that it is a marital relationship difficulty or problem and from your side only.
In psychiatric term, usually anger and short temperedness with nervousness come as manifestations of ANXIETY STATE so you have to make sure that nothing in your life producing any stress, which can be also implicit like being away from your mother and family and living in a different culture from yours, also established new relationships both marital and social.
However, if nothing obvious in your life to make you angry you have to try with what we call cognitive behavioral approach in dealing with unacceptable behavior in which religious belief can help a lot. You can get guidance from psychiatrist or psychologist to do that.
In the mean time, I would suggest for you to do investigations for your body and hormones because some endocrinal disturbances might affect the psychological state and anxiety can be a main manifestation of that.
Wish you all the best.
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