Notes to self: No more excuses

I’ve been resisting changing a few things about my life for a while now, and the excuse I tell myself is that I don’t want to be antisocial or difficult.

My willpower is not good. Like most people, I dislike any kind of sacrifice because I am greedy and selfish and I know exactly how to convince myself that giving in is OK “you need the energy from that caramel frappuccino for your workout”, “you’ve had a horrible day, you should probably eat a cookie”, “seeing your friends is an important part of life, so forget work and go to Jan’s house for a Game of Thrones marathon. You can work extra hard tomorrow”. Yes, I know all the ways to trick myself into doing things I have promised myself I won’t.

But my worst habit is making the excuse that taking on some new, healthy habits will upset my social life. For instance; I’ve wanted to take a break from partying for quite some time, but I’ve been scared I won’t see any of my friends any more and that I’ll feel bored and alone. I’ve wanted to do it because I need to be more productive at work, I want to save some money and I feel it’s counter-productive to spend 15 hours a week in the gym then go out partying two or three nights a week and ruining it all with excessive calories and not enough sleep. But towards the end of February, I just decided to do it. I haven’t made a big deal out of it, I just go for a night out and mention it if it comes up. If it doesn’t, nobody even notices. It’s been really easy, which made me wonder how much other stuff I carry on doing out of habit or fear.

I’m a vegetarian, but I used to be a vegan for six and a half years, but I gave up because I was always sending food back, always explaining my diet to people and always felt difficult when people were choosing where we could all eat for a meal out. Now I have a friend in Bangkok who’s a vegan and she makes it seem easy. I never see her explaining herself or sending things back and being awkward. She just does her thing and doesn’t make a fuss. People don’t even realise she’s vegan.

I still have trouble with doing my thing. For instance, I definitely eat more than I would otherwise when I’m in social situations. My reasoning? I don’t like to appear like I’m being smug, so if someone orders a dessert, I will too. If somebody orders a plate of burger and chips, I don’t want to be the one to make them feel bad by ordering a salad.

But, you know what? I think if they care, that’s their own insecurity, and not one I should have to take on. So next time I am at a friend’s house and they want to order pizza, I’ll say I’d rather grab a salad from somewhere. Because I really would. I haven’t lost any friends over my decisions yet and nobody has even given me a hard time about it.

I think the main reason is because my friends are great people, they like me for who I am and I probably knew all this in my head all along and just used it as an excuse to be a glutton and to not take on the challenge of letting go of a few bad habits. It’s hard to take sole responsibility for your health and happiness. The reason I have run out of money is not because I have to see my friends and the reason I have big thighs is not out of being too polite to say no.

I have no money and big thighs because I choose to. I make some silly decisions.

I follow loads of those irritating Twitter accounts that give you fitness motivation (90 per cent of them are just plain annoying, the other 10 per cent really speak to me). One that comes up time and time again is, “If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way. If it’s not, you’ll find an excuse.” It’s so true. I hear people make ridiculous excuses about why they can’t go to the gym or why they don’t work very hard when they’re there but then I do the same with my diet and my nights out. Well, not any more. I’m going to start being accountable for my own decisions; whether they are wise or unwise.