Notes to self: Globetrotting writer Gaby Doman on discipline and fun

I think my main struggle in life is whether I can balance the two sides of me. The first is the disciplined side that goes to the gym every day, spends evenings watching YouTube videos on perfecting my weight-lifting form and mastering Turkish Get Ups, runs a business from my flat, goes to Thai school and spends my free time scheming ways to advance my career.

Then there’s the other side; the social side of me that loves to eat rather too well, takes every opportunity to spend a full day watching True Blood DVDs and shovelling down M&Ms with my best friend, who is addicted to sugary Starbucks and is always the last to go home after a night out, usually as the sun is rising.

I think when people think of me they think of a fitness loving party girl. Unfortunately, these two sides of me don’t really work too well together. If I’m out until 6am, the chances are the next day I won’t want to study Thai or eat well or put in my all at the gym. In fact, I am much more likely to lie in bed eating peanut butter sandwiches until the loaf is finished. My social side really impacts my disciplined side.

But it works the other way, too. I never ditch the gym for any social plans, which irritates people sometimes, I bring salads to my friend’s house when I know he plans on ordering pizza and I often spend evenings sipping on water and trying desperately to be fun and not be seen as a party pooper. It’s hard.

Recently I’ve asked myself if it’s even possible to be fun and disciplined. I know it must be because some of my good friends have got the balance down beautifully; they run marathons and host dinner parties. They study law and discover all the coolest hangouts and they speak three languages. It must be possible, but I can’t seem to find the right places to make sacrifices. Or maybe I subconsciously don’t want to.

I suppose it’s the condition we all suffer from in the 21st century; we want to “have it all” but, when we try to be the person we hope that we can be, we just get overworked and stressed and end up not even enjoying the things you loved anymore. I don’t really believe you can live a highly time-managed lifestyle and still enjoy it.

For instance; I realise working out for 15 hours a week is unnecessary. I could definitely do quicker workouts by cutting out the time I spend lounging around on yoga mat texting between sets, ogling boys or taking gym selfies of me looking a bit tough in my weights gloves. I could do that but I don’t want to. Those are some of the things that make gym visits so lovely for me. Because of my relaxed gym ways, I enjoy going. I work hard, but I do it with plenty of rest periods to ensure it never gets too gruelling.

At the moment, my imbalanced lifestyle means I get grief from my fitness trainers for partying too much (even though I’ve really cut back) and grief from my friends for staying in too often. Is it just the natural state of being a human that we must feel as though we’re failing miserably at everything? Or do I just have ridiculously high expectations of myself? Is it so much to want to speak Thai like a local, work out like a fitness model, party like Mick Jagger and have the business mind of Bill Gates? Either way, I’m working on it.