Notes to self: Beware the ‘forced friend’

They say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery but what they fail to mention is that it’s the most irritating and stressful form, too.

At school I did as all pre-teens do and looked to my friends for style cues and opinions. It’s normal when you’re still finding out who you are — you try on other people’s personalities and tastes for size (which explains the hideous orange satin shirt I insisted on wearing at every party). But it’s been a long time since I showed my admiration for someone by emulating or following them. However, in the past few months I’ve had a friend who’s done just that — and it’s driving me round the bend.

I’m mostly a bit of a hermit. I have friends who I meet up with on the weekend and one who I see a little more regularly, but most days go by and I don’t meet up with any of them. I like having the freedom to do what I want to do. However, I made a friend almost two years ago — I’ll call her Cherry — who I always kept at arm’s length (as I do most of my friends). I know that sounds a little mean, but there aren’t that many people that I want close to me. In fact, I can’t think of one person in the whole world I’d want to hear from as much as I do her.

Cherry has always tried to be close — she friend requests all my friends on Facebook (including those she has never met) and she calls, Whatsapps, Tweets and Facebook messages me all the time. But in the last few weeks, it’s gone into overdrive to the point where I feel a little stalked.

She won’t read this column, so it’s a relief to have somewhere to vent without upsetting her.

Last month, she joined my gym and started to message me every day to ask if I was going and what time I’d be there. I had to tell her the gym was my relaxation time and I couldn’t be hassled about it. I go every day and I love to just zone out and do my own thing. For me, it’s like meditation. She seemed to accept that, but then she just tried other ways to become my best friend.

I have two main groups of friends in Bangkok, one Thai group and a group of expat teachers, and she doesn’t really know either but, last week, she turned up uninvited to go and party with one set of friends one night, and the other the next. Then the next day she waited for me outside my class at the gym. She even invited herself on a holiday I have planned with my best friend in England who I haven’t seen for over a year.

She knows where I’ll be all the time because I’m too blabby on social media channels. She always knows where I am and who I’m out with, and she wants to be involved too.

Despite her being a part of every aspect of my life, I’ve never met a single one of her friends, but I know she has lots because the guy I’ve been seeing, The Playboy, has, coincidentally, known her for years and he told me. It’s odd.

The funny thing is, she’s actually quite fun company, but I just feel as though she’s trying too hard to be a big part of my life and to be involved in every single part of it that it’s making me reel back into my shell. It’s made me want to stop posting anything about my whereabouts, stop introducing her to anyone and stop replying to her messages.

I feel so mean, but how do you explain to someone that they’re smothering you? I feel as though I’ve accidentally gotten into a serious relationship and I just want to get out but still be friends.