It's not the big shoes or the bending of balloons into animal shapes that freaks me out, or the squirty flowers or even the cars whose doors fall off when they toot the horns. I mean, I've owned cars that weren't dissimilar to that! For real!
I was once the proud owner of a customised car that had a Porsche engine and no door handles, which on one occasion ejected a headlight when I was tearing down a road in East London.
With clowns, I think I know the root of the phobia. It's the fact that the true identity is hidden behind a mask – a scary oil-painted mask at that. I think it's this that I have always had an aversion to.
This might seem very hypocritical coming from a man who has never shown you his face despite being in your lives (if you like it or not) for over two years. In my defence, I would hope that I have shared enough about myself that on some sort of level, you know me. Right? Thinking more laterally, there are all kinds of masks that we encounter in real life away from the circus – and they can be all the more treacherous to us.
In the game of love and life, it's all about first impressions, and all of us can present an airbrushed version of ourselves at least once. Once the scratching of the surface begins, this is where all the stuff that is best kept hidden starts to show through.
Many weave a web of stories to cover up who they really are, and that stuff can be kept deep undercover by the truly devious for some time. The true danger with this is that the deception happens at the expense of trust that a significant other may have placed in that person. Once the true colours are revealed there's the loss and pain to deal with, as well as that feeling of stupidity.
First impressions can be so deceiving, you see. I liken it to pop bands or singers. Artists have their whole lives to make their first album, but the real challenge comes with the follow-up.
How many artists can you count who blew you away once with their inaugural collection of songs but after that went downhill fast? It's the same with people you meet in all walks of life.
One of my letter writers, Sarfraz, has some interesting thoughts on the subject of first impressions. Sarfraz speculates that "plastic smiles at the first handshake are often the reason for misleading first impressions". The mention of handshakes brings to mind the arena of business.
All of us flex our creative muscles when it comes to impressing potential employers, and I am sure we have all fallen in love with the version of ourselves that we present on our CVs – so much so that we become somewhat unrecognisable as the people we actually are.
I have been blessed in this area, I must say, but I also give myself some credit that I had a hunch that the world of media would allow me to be true to who I am without compromising my personality.
Despite the illusion of glamour in this world it is still a business at the end of the day so you have to bring your skills to the game. Exactly what my skills are remains hard to define, but I am still rolling with the punches somehow!
Sarfraz had one phrase: "You can't cut a cucumber and a coconut with the same blade" which I didn't really understand, but it struck me that both of those things could be blended together to make a refreshing drink.
Smooth-ily yours
