Erm… Sigh! Meh….scribble, scribble, type, type, delete, delete.
That sums up my feelings writing this, the final blog. I can’t wait to get started, I can’t find the words, I write the words, I backspace/delete them all away. Pretty much how I wrote that first letter to the Aquarius Life Challenge team.
However, as I write I recognise that THIS person writing today is so far removed from THAT person who wrote that desperate missive, it’s actually hard to believe it could have happened at all.
A part of me wants to yell at the fates for ending it all. Another part feels what I imagine a horse at the Meydan on race day must feel like: impatient to get out the gates. So – conflicted, sad, jubilant, excited – a real mess. Just a better mess than I was two months ago.
My initial aim starting this challenge was to regain my SELF. Weight loss was another part of it for me. However, through the wonder that is NLP/Carolyn - I found that all of the self improvement and change meant nothing existing in a vacuum. I had to understand what makes me, me. I had to know what I wanted, find what made me tick and then everything else would fall into place. It’s like I was in limbo until I made the crucial decision to let go of a lot of negativity, self-doubt and an unhealthy amount of self-loathing to realise my truth.
The first casualty in this process was my job. I realised that for me variety, growth and significance is the spice of life. A desk job with little stimulation, room for growth, and failing to appease my sense of what’s important – was never going to be good enough. I was cheating my employer, my family and most of all myself- in trying to hold onto that.
The up side to all this was finding the courage to do what I’ve been yearning to do for almost 15 years - starting Back2Basix Educational Solutions. Within a month of making the decision to start my own educational consultancy I was live online and mobile, making contacts and (hopefully soon) signing my first contracts. The dream was there waiting. All I had to do was take it.
The next to fall was the negative self-image I was carrying around in my head ever since my daughter’s birth. I was one of the last to get into the exercise at Fitness First – in truth, I didn’t ever attend. Distance and inclination were the excuses I offered up. Once I processed THAT belief, I not only got a personal trainer to kick my ass at home, but also got a home gym. I have to accept that I will never be one of those women who likes the gym. I cave at the sight of a row of hamster wheels/treadmills, and would rather work out incognito than flash my flab to the world in neoprene and Lycra.
My favorite/only nutritionist, Christina, was another part of the whole for me. The old me thought up all kinds of excuses for eating junk on the go, poisoning my body slowly with poor eating habits and never cooking a healthy meal for my family. Nutrition became such an integral part of my life since starting the Challenge that every morsel that crosses my lips has to nourish my body. That’s it – the only realisation that helped me stop the bad nutrition pattern of behavior was that I was finally worth the extra dirham for that healthy seed loaf.
Of course I couldn’t have done this without my fellow Life Challengers. Paola, Accalia, Bhawna, Inga and Noha – a testimony to “get- off- your- ass(edness)” and an ode to the strength of the human spirit. Not once did I feel like I was in competition with these ladies, but rather that I was on a journey of the self, body and spirit with some of the best travel buddies a woman could ask for. For all of that and so much more – inspiration, titillation and vexation – I thank you.
To the readers of this blog, your support via email, comments, phone calls, etc. – THANK YOU. This blog made me feel part of the greatness that is within all of us. I hope that I encouraged you to reach out and take what is yours. From me to you? You KNOW you can do it!