4men articles
Less drama, more playtime
Life as we know it: the way we interact, behave and negotiate it's all influenced by the shape of the ball we kick. And the oval-shaped football makes more well-rounded individuals.
- By Andy van Smeerdijk, features editor
- Published: 00:08 July 2, 2008
Life as we know it: the way we interact, behave and negotiate it's all influenced by the shape of the ball we kick. And the oval-shaped football makes more well-rounded individuals, says Andy van Smeerdijk, features editor
Calling all football cracks. Can someone explain to me why soccer players cry so much? I know, there's nothing wrong with opening up and being emotional... we're a repressed sex, let's be honest. It's okay. But why bawl like a baby, with millions watching, just to get a penalty?
Call me Australian (and therefore a soccer philistine), but I believe football should be taught to kids alongside drama, not sport.
Sure it's supremely skilful, but milking a slight nudge with the vigour of a Jersey dairy farmer just sends the wrong message to the little tackers. It's not an acting class, it's war... there were no faking ankle injuries back in the Somme, right?
Now those of you with short-cropped hair and pink, pasty faces (once milky-white), please bear with me. Tear yourself away from your tribal alignments for a few minutes and try to understand the way of the oval-shaped ball.
The beauty of rugby league, rugby union and Australian rules all lies in the shape of the ball. As Aussie rules coach Allan Jeans said, "It's an oval-shaped ball played on an oval-shaped field. The unpredictability of the game stems from the shape of the ball."
Not exactly profound, but true. All three codes are so random, multi-dimensional and violent that penalties are as certain as the squirts after a shawarma. So there's less time spent feigning wallops and more time devoted to dodging them.
While on the topic of thuggery, all three generally restrict violence to the field, not the grandstands. The reason being is they're high-scoring, physical codes that allow spectators to vent their feelings cheering rather than pounding each other into a pulp, as can happen at football games.
So would you prefer your son to learn the scaly stagecraft of soccer, or the bruising ballet of the more barbaric codes? Sure there are neck injuries, stud marks and the odd eye-gouge, but what's the point of playing footy, if you don't leave the field wearing most of it? And after all, life is oval-shaped.
Share this article
Your defintive men's magazine
